I was having double vision. Went to neurologist and neuro-ophthalmologist. EMG (electromyogram) test said something is wrong with my nerves. What is it? Undefined. Then MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) of the brain it is! There were 3 big white spots on my MRI plates. Brain tumors. I have brain tumors. I didn’t feel sad, or maybe a bit sad at first; though I really can’t remember feeling sad that time. In fact, when I got home, I was running around our compound raising and telling everyone that I have brain tumors like I was on a show and tell. I was definitely happy about it, buy why should I feel sad when I don’t feel sad. In fact, I was amazed because not everyone has brain tumors. Maybe I’m really weird. Haha. And now I know the answer: FAITH. I from from the start that everything has a reason, I didn’t know what that reason is, I have no idea what is it, but I know that there is.¬
After 2 or 3 visits to the neurosurgeon’s clinic, I was diagnosed with NEUROFIBROMATOSIS TYPE 2 (NF2) on October 15, 2004.
All along, I thought it was August 2004 but then again I saw that my first MRI was done was on September 29, 2004 (link the fb album) and I was able to figure it out, thanks to my blog, an online journal & my memory.
I was diagnosed a day before our simple DBS Batch 2000 get-together at Dencio’s Grill in Megamall. I can recall telling them that I have neuro something something – a long & tongue twisting word “basta may brain tumors ako” – I can recall cheerfully saying those words. Haha.
That was also the day (err, night) that we (Lea, Pau & I) became friends with Madie again. That was one of my significant “everything has a reason” in life.
Madie organized and gathered some of our batch mates and found a way to raised funds for me at Don Bosco Technical College Alumni Homecoming & Jig concert in 2005 in Jig 2006 as well and so on.
Later on, we found out that I have the type 1 (NF1) as well and all my diagnosis (or misdiagnosis) in the past were ann symptoms of NF1.
“You don’t look sick.”
“Maybe you are sad about it and you are just hiding it.”
“You must be in a lot of pain.”
“Are you really alright?”
“Are you sure you are not scared?”
My family & friends keep telling me those words especially whenever I say: “I AM OK”
I keep telling them that I am fine, being sick and having brain tumors really doesn’t make me feel sad, I am not scared (not a bit), etc.
No, I don’t really find it irritating because I understand the reason they are saying those words. Those are their TLC (tender loving care).
I wrote this on October 17, 2004:
“She (Tita Angie) asked me what I really feel daw. I told her, "tanggap ko" (“I accept it”). I’m not trying to hide my feelings. Whatever I'm showing, ‘yun na ‘yon (that’s it). Why should I cry? Why should I get lonely? Ano magagawa non dba?! (What can it do, right?!) I shouldn't stop living life the way i want it to be just because I’m sick. Lalo lang ako magkakasakit (The more will I get sick) like depression or something.
There’s a reason behind all these. I know there is. O diba?! (Right?!) Is this really me?! I'm not just showing you that I'm a strong person even though I’m really scared. I need to be strong, but I’m not really that scared. Ganito lang talaga ako. (This is really how I am) Even in the hardest situations, I still try to look on the positive side of things. Even if it's isn't visible, I will really find it.
Hindi ako nagpapaka-manhid (I’m not being numb). This is how I am. This is how I take it. Smile nalang (just smile). I don't really want people's pity, though I’m really touched whenever someone comforts me or lets me feel their concern. As in! Promise. But you don't really have to think about it a lot of times and be bothered by it. Sige na nga, alam ko na hindi niyo naman mapipigilan mag-worry kaya (Okay, I know that you can’t really stop being worried, so) THANK YOU.”
And then on November 19, 2004
“My mom and I went to PGH this morning to meet with the chairman of neurosciences, Dr. Willy Lopez, for a second opinion. Well, I really need to undergo surgery. Maybe in 2 weeks.. 3 weeks.. I’m not sure but I think it's gonna be within this year which is in less than 2 months.. Hay-ay-ay! Hehe!”
At one look on my MRI plates (When we barged his office. Haha.), he knew that it was NF2 at once.
We visited Dr. Lopez’ clinic the following week and then he became my doctor and took care of me since then.
Ever since then, a lot of thing had happened. Good things. Bad thing. Problems. Pain. Struggles. Triumphs. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Like you and most people, I also felt like I was pushed flat on the ground, everything's seems wrong and I can't do anything about it, but I chose to stand up and move, Little by little, with all of my might, no matter how little it is. I’ve fought, I’m still fighting and I’ll always be fighting through life.
While tapping my head, my mom said, “You are so blessed!”
And because I keep moving and fighting, the blessings that I’ve been receiving are my reward. So, the bigger the battle that we’ll conquer, the bigger the reward.
And I am very grateful because God put me in this kind of battle; a battle that HE is a part of.
Cheers to 13 years of living an AWESOME LIFE despite of battling with NF!
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| Those are tumors. Blue and green are the colors of NF. 13 years. And 13 is also my favorite number. |
