It all started during Lenten Season in 2006. Everything dawn on me. I am so weak. I look very much different from a couple of months before. I am totally deaf. I can’t walk. I can’t chew and swallow properly. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. It felt like everything and everyone is moving with time and I was already left behind. I was sad. I had a hard time sleeping. It was an anxiety attack. It felt like I was already going to die because of my condition that time. I kept telling myself that’s It’s alright. 22 years (I was 22 years old then) is already enough.
But what really comforted me were all the bible verses and prayers that were posted on the wall beside my bed. I didn’t talk that much and the only One who I talk comfortably with was God. I’m just so used to talking to Him like how I talk with the people who are close to me. Since I don’t need to put much effort talking to Him and I won’t get tired. I don’t need to use any of my weak strength. All I had to do was think. Everything that I think about was passed on to Him so I don’t really keep everything to myself.
Holy Week 2006. I felt worse and worse and worse. I kept saying, “I’m going insane. I’m going insane.” I don’t understand what’s happening to me and to me, it really felt like going insane. That time, I just don’t understand. It was like an Angel versus Devil scenario in my mind. The one that we watch & read. The angel versus the devil. Yes, that was how it was. Crazy, right?
My mom kept reminding me to continue fighting and then placed a small silver crucifix on my hand and I never let go of it. I held it in my hand, in between my palm every time, any time and all the time.
My “I’m going insane. I’m going insane.” chant became “On Sunday. On Sunday.” I was looking forward to Easter Sunday. I was counting the days until Easter Sunday and I don’t know why, I just want it to be Easter Sunday already.
Easter Sunday finally arrived, nothing special happened to me. I still don’t know why I was excited for it to arrive. Still, I was happy. That’s all.
A very very very AMAZING thing happened the next day! I felt so good and while I was having my breakfast, I cheerfully told my mom that we’ll get better! “I will get better! You will get better!” and then my grandma came inside the house and I told her that she will get better too. With full of joy and excitement, I kept on saying “We will all get better!”
After a while, I told my mom, “Life must go on.” that I will give my best in everything. I can still do a lot of things despite my disabilities.
and He brought my dying spirit back to life!
images from google