I am living in silence, but I am not silent

I was thinking about what my topic will be for my next column in MB.. Since my cochlear implant isn't working so well the last few weeks, it's like I'm deaf again. Haha. And then I decided, my topic will be: about me being deaf.

I was recalling what I felt before, when I learned that there is a possibility I might go deaf & when that happened. I just learned that I have increasing brain tumors (tumors, meaning more than one ;P) and now I'm going deaf.. But my reaction was: OK. That didn't change a thing. Just read my column today. Haha ;P

Anyway, I posted my question/s as my fb status and asked my friends for answer..

This is definitely a good news..

Stem Cells Could Cure Deafness

Stem cell researchers have made a breakthrough they believe could someday cure deafness, the Times of London reports. The British team, working with stem cells from the inner ear, have successfully grown early versions of the cells that enable hearing and now aim to create functional cells that can be transplanted into the inner ear to reverse hearing loss. Researchers say a cure for total hearing loss is still at least a decade away, but believe their work can be used immediately to test new drugs and probe the causes of deafness. "This research is incredibly promising and opens up exciting possibilities by bringing us closer to restoring hearing in the future,” said a research director at the Royal National Institute for the Deaf.

-from newser

I'll be able to hear on my birthday..

CLICK. READ. BE HAPPY.

my mom woke me up this morning because of a super great news.. at first i was kinda pissed because she woke me up in the middle of a dream and i can't understand what she's saying.. eh syempre naalimpungatan.. she mentioned: dra. chiong, april7, schedule, etc. until i got it.. a bit.. i just saih: "ahh.." then i closed my eyes again and thought of what i just read from my mom's mouth (if i'm not deaf, the word is as simple as HEARD. haha).. this time it really really registered in my mind, then i blurted out: "MAKAKARINIG NA KO SA BIRTHDAY KO" yes! yes! yes! ang galing lang.. when i knew that i'll still be deaf on my birthday, i prayed and wished and hope that it's the other way around (i'll be able to hear on my birthday.. paulit-ulit naman!).. though it's ok with me if not.. what's important is i'm going to hear again.. this summer.. woohoo! i was super duper over happy about it.. then in the afternoon, we went to med-el office in alabang to finalize everything with ms. maribel and get the documents for pcso, pagcor, etc. ANG SAYA-SAYA! sabi ko nga: "i can't smile, but i'm happy".. happy happy joy joy talaga!

here's dra. chiong's text message to me last christmas (share ko lang..ang saya eh):

I wish you more blessings for the coming year and here's to thank you for the simple joy of knowing a person like you. I am praying that we can make your dream of hearing again come true soon with God's help.

-Dr. Charlotte Chiong

Letter of my mom for my surgery on march 10

this is the updated version of this..

I am writing in behalf of my 24-year old daughter Maria Kathrina Yarza (Kcat).Almost four years have past after Kcat was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis Type 2 (NF2)a very rare genetic disease. Neurofibromatosis Type II) is an inherited disease. The main manifestation of the disease is the development of symmetric, non-malignant brain tumours in the region of the cranial nerve VIII, which is the auditory-vestibular nerve that transmits sensory information from the inner ear to the brain. Most people with this condition also experience problems in their eyes. NF II is caused by mutations of the "Merlin" gene which probably influences the form and movement of cells. The principal treatments consist of neurosurgical removal of the tumors and surgical treatment of the eye lesions. There is no therapy for the underlying disorder of cell function caused by the genetic mutation.

I'll hear again!

Moved with compassion, Jesus touched their eyes; and immediately they regained their sight and followed Him.
Matthew 20:30

rochelle shared me this quote the other day.. ay oo! talaga!

March 10.. Gimme Money! :P

mark your calendars.. my tentative schedule for surgery given by my dr. is march 10.. grabe! it's so near na.. it's still tentative though.. we'll still finalize everything on the coming days.. i'm just so happy that my surgery has a scheduled (tentative nga!) date already.. dun na rin punta non.. :P dra. chiong even ordered her secretary to book the operating room on march 10.. ang saya diba? and yes! i'll be having cochlear implant! woohoo! my hearing tests are all positive.. i would benefit from CI! i was really rooting for ABI since CI won't work on deaf NF2 patients like me, that's why ABI was born.. basta just google it nalang to understand it clearly.. :P basta it means, i won't be having another open brain surgery.. galing diba?

Hindi ako bingi, tahimik lang!

who said i'm deaf? i'm just too tired to use my ears and listen.. may ganon?

hahaha! seriously, sometimes i forget that i'm deaf.. there are times when i thought that a certain situation i'm in is the reason why i'm not hearing anything.. baliw eh! hehe.

EPISODE 1:
while i was watching t.v.:
i thought: "ay siguro kaya di ko marinig kasi naka-shades pa ko"
i removed my shades
i still can't hear the tv..
i realized, i'm deaf pala!

EPISODE 2:
i was in fron of the computer (as always), my mom was in the kitchen, talitha and maro were here in the sala too (i can't remember what they're doing)..
i asked: "bakit ang tahimik nyo?"
"ay oo nga pala bingi ako"
then talitha wrote a note on a piece of paper and posted it above the monitor, it says, "hindi ka bingi, tahimik lang"

EPISODE 3:
i was watching tv while i'm sitted at the sofa beside, then i move a bit coz i wanna stretch my legsup the sofa..
i then thought: "ayan tuloy di ko na marinig, ang layo ko na kasi eh"

EPISODE 4:
i was reading my mom's lips while she's talking to my friends.. chika ever! syepre i'm chismosang bingi eh! then she move a bit far from me.. i had a hard time catching up with her stories..
i thought: "ah kasi lumayo sya kaya di ko na marinig"

EPISODE 5:
maro has chicken pox.. while we were eating lunch together in the living room..
in my mind was: "kaya siguro di ko marinig si maro kasi may sakit siya"

EPISODE 6:
after taking a bath, i opened the bathroom door to ask for help and shout "tapos na ko!", the light in the kitchen was turned off..
"brownout siguro (duh! i have electricity inside the CR), di ko narinig"
double duh!

baliw eh noh? i think i'm over positive na.. wahahaha! :P

*dami pa yang kabaliwan ko, nalimutan ko lng.. dagdagan ko nlng pag naalala ko..

Sound Booth

if i got a grade of 0 on my hearing test when learned i'm totally deaf (that was january 2006), now i got grade of 65?! hehe. it really isn't the passing grade, but it's better than getting nothing, right?

No Sound

my hearing tests were re-scheduled.. when? i dunno? i was kinda excited for it because i'll be able to know already if the loud sound i hear is actually a sound or just vibration (i keep on protesting that i just feel it in my heart.. ang drama eh noh? hehe) though i'm hoping that i'm wrong.. whenever i hear the loud banging of the door in the cr, noynoy's super loud music, the drums during fiesta, maro's hammering of things, or the oh-so-loud and superrr long thunderstorm. i just say: "basta alam ko!" how did i knew? i'm not so sure.. basta alam ko! dra. chiong said it's sound waves.. s skull ko daw galing.. sabi ko sa heart.. damang-dama ko eh.. wahaha! i'll be able to know sana but something went wrong in the auditing ek-ek in pgh since it's a private property (of dra. chiong).. ah basta, hindi daw pwede! boo! anyway, it's ok though coz i haven't reviewed for that 2 tests yet.. hahaha!

Walk.. Walk.. Walk..

i was inside the pt room.. while my left leg and arm has muscle stimulator on it.. i can't help but look around.. observing others.. while their having their therapy session too.. people with canes, walker and 'saklay' are everywhere.. not to forget the people on their 'wheels'.. of course, that includes me..

Deafness Chikahan

silence..
scary isn't it? not being able to hear whatever.. but it isn't that bad after all..

i've been deaf since january.. but i fell like it even before pa.. when my hearing was already deteriorating.. actually, left ko nalang nakakarinig noon coz my right ear is not responding (according to the hearing test) na.. i even had a hearing aid on my left ear, ang sarap pala makarinig! hehe. but suddenly, i became totally deaf.. i used to say "pag di ko narinig, eh di wag!" so whatever i hear, yun na yon.. that was nung may naririnig pa kong konti.. eh now, wala na talaga.. so, what? hehe.

i already accepted the fact that i can't be able to hear anymore.. there came a time when i was really crying coz i really really really wanna hear.. i was thinking that it could only be a dream, when i wake up, i'll be able to hear again.. but i didn't! i was still deaf..