tacK iN & OuT: i was darth vader..

It's been a week since I got home from the hospital (SRS at St. Lukes). Guess what?! I'm now 85% tumor free.. on my brain, that is. Finally! It's over and done. But for me, that wasn't a very nice experience. I prefer the open-brain surgery more coz I just need to sleep through the surgery and then wake up. But with the stereotactic radiosurgery.. ugh! It really gave me sooo much pain! As in pain!!!

I was admitted June 14, Tuesday — and the pain started there. ...the pain of waiting + headache. It was a record breaking wait, ang tagaaaaal! We were already at the admission's office by 10am and due to the system upgrade something, after 9 hours of waiting, I was finally admitted at 7pm!!! While we were waiting, my head suddenly had its usual heaviness and had double-vision. My scheduled MRI was supposed to be at 5pm, but since I still have no room yet, it was rescheduled to 9 pm. My friends dropped by but I was still having my MRI, but they still waited for me to finish at 11 pm. Awww..

SRS day. I woke up at around 9am, ate my breakfast, took a bath and then went back to sleep. My mom woke me up at 11:30am coz the nurses were already there along with a with a stretcher for me to lie down. i was brought to the ct scan room. But but but, before lying down on the machine, I was asked to sit down and stay still and I was like, "AOK, the brace." But it wasn't just any brace! It was literally screwed to the four sides of my head / skull. Ouch!? Yes, it really does. Of course there's local anesthesia, but it didn't took effect at once so I felt the insertion of the first screw. As in screw talaga! The second screw, kinda felt it too but not as painful as the first. Then the anesthesia took all the hurt of the 3rd and 4th screw away.

Actually, injecting of the anesthesia hurts a lot too coz it was injected to the bones of my nape, bones talaga! Though I'm already used to those kind of injections, so it's already no big deal for me. But the screw, I felt the whole screwing. As in it's just like how you screw a screw, turning it slowly but surely, then pressing after it's done. Again, it really, really hurts! But what the heck! I just told myself, "i'm so sanay with these kind of extreme procedures" Yabang! Haha. Seriously, that's what I'm thinking, besides, what else can i do? It's part of the surgery for it to be a success.

And then the CT scan. It was just the usual CT scan, but with a brace on my head. Nothing special or unusual..I just slept through it. What can I do? I was so sleep! Haha.

Then I was sent to the recovery room from 1-3pm to wait while the doctors were calculating how many dosages of radiation my body can acquire. Again, I just slept!

Actually, it was so hard to lie down coz of the metal head brace, but what the heck! I'm so sleepy and besides, there's really nothing I can do but sleep ...or count the ticking of the clock.

I was sent down to the Linear Accelerator Department at 3 pm, it's where the radiation was held. The procedure lasted for 2 hours. It was going smoothly at first, but while the amount of radiation is increasing, my head hurts more and more and more.

I was awake while the the whole time and it felt like a knife is slicing the tumor but it's radiation and targeting the tumor only. I can't sleep because I'm already well rested from sleeping during the long wait and I doubt the pain would let me fall asleep.

The machine was so noisy but it didn't bugged me at all. It's like the noise made by MRI machine, so I'm already used to it. It was so dark in the room, as in pitch black, except for the rays of the radiation.

But there's an uncomfortable feeling because of the head brace. It's becoming more and more heavy as time gets longer. I hated it that I can't sleep! I was really planning to sleep, but now I can't anymore. Sucks. So while I was having the radiation, I thought of a lot of nonsense stuffs like: do i still know who i am? (And then in m mind, I would dictate my fullname); where do i live? (and think of my address, including zipcode, ha!) and stuffs like that. Crazy me!

And the finale of the radiation...OUCH! It really really really hurt a lot! But it's alright, kaya ko naman.

And then finally, it's over! Or so I thought. The pain still continues.. They need to get the brace off my head and it hurts twice than screwing it on; no make it thrice! After which, the feeling is all pain and dizziness. I was wheeled back in my room around 5pm.

When I got to my bed, I was crying coz of the pain in and out of my head plus the severe vertigo (continuous dizziness); it really felt like everything is turning. Grabeeeeh! I don't want anyone I know to experience that too, never. It's okay that I got to experience it, ako nalang, so don't wish for it.. Promise!

Again, it didn't stop there. After taking a nap, of course i had to eat, but my body don't like to. I kept on vomiting everything I ate. As in everything! Even the medicines and water. I felt really really weak and dehydrated.

I went home the next day since i don't really need to be on a special medication or something. I just need a lot of rest and I can do that at home without the need to pay for expensive hospital bills. I was still vomiting on the way home; in the car and while walking from the car to the house. It was funny coz I was walking with Ysiad when i said i feel like vomiting and by the time she was able to get a plastic bag from the basket she's holding, i already vomited and still vomiting in a glass that I grabbed from the basket. Ako na gumawa ng paraan! Haha. Vomiting while walking.. totchal! Haha.

And then, I felt really weak and tired.

It's been a week now of doing nothing and getting tired without doing anything. My head still hurts, the scar from the screw still gives me pain. But I am able to eat already without vomiting.. Eat. Eat. Eat.Yehey! And finally, the tumors were already treated and damaged by the radiation. It didn't really removed it, but it shrink its size. I still got lots of tumors around my body but its harmless so it's alright not to remove them.

Newei, thanks for all your support and prayers! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

BTW, there was another tumor detected on my 5th cranial nerve, though it's not symptomatic yet. So let's just hope and pray that it would stay still and not cause any harm in the future.. :D

here are some of the pix taken @ st.Lukes..
welcome to room 256: